Net Worth Week 62

Gentle Readers,
My roommate has my box spring and my bed is finally normal size! This feels wonderful. I still need to deal with some items I’d like to donate, but my room is already much more comfortable.
It appears we have more than one week of work left, but the systems will be down all weekend. This means less OT than I’d like. This is also the second weekend in a row with extended system downtime. I assume the Russians are involved.
I’m really glad that I attended some PRIDE events even though my heart was not in it. It did me good to people with my people as I suspected. There were some good acknowledgements of the devastation of Pulse. Our community needs to support one another.  Some protections that had been put in place have been removed and we believe further removals are coming. The number of hate crimes against LGBT people has increased in the past year alarmingly. We were already the most likely to be targeted, and it got worse.
I have one more week of the free class before our teacher is gone for summer. I found a potential tutor for the summer who is also a really good deal. I need to see if I can actually give the tutor all the time they say I need before laying down the money. Since this skill will help my business, it can help my taxes, too. Having that LLC definitely changes how I spend money. I think this tutor and dedicated focus by me could finally get me over the edge and ready to charge for this skill.
Having dinner with a group of women in my profession tonight. We like to talk trade and support one another and just generally add to the conviviality. It should be lovely.

This week’s net worth numbers

6/9/2017 6/16/2017
 Joy 1107 1107
 Travel 1  1
 Down Payment 19 19
 Retirement 21 21
 Health 45 45
 Moving 285 285
 EF 11 11
Business 1004 1004
Life 455  476
 IRA  13191  13145
 Brokerage 703  705
 Rewards Card 2 -2873 -2136
 CC (largest) 0  0
 CC (longest) 0  0
 Rewards Card (106) CR  (98) CR
SL 1 -104780 -104890
 SL 2 -46161 -46210
 Earnest -4427 -4446
 Net Worth -141292 -140764
 Percentage Change -.15% .37%

Do you make a habit of truly knowing other professionals in your area?

Net Worth Week 61 – PRIDE Edition

Gentle Readers,
I have not yet been able to coordinate with my roommate about removing the box spring, so my new bed is still gigantic. My back feels like it is slowly getting better, maybe. I’m monitoring it.
The gig continues to go back and forth on what we should expect. At this moment, according to one set of instructions, we have one more week on this gig, but according to another set of instructions, we probably have a few more months. How’s that for planning your life?  I’m just going to keep showing up and trying to get hours in until they take them away from us.
My trip to my love was short, but good. It was my first venture on Spirit and I was very pleased. I don’t need much when I’m visiting her and am able to be down to one personal item – at least when it is not winter.  I’ve also looked up the cost of rental cars for the first time, and I learned that the cost for renting a small car for 3 days is less than the cost of a cab from the airport to her place. I must sign up for driver’s ed and become comfortable driving. We could explore so much more if I could drive us.
June is Pride month. I don’t know if it is Pulse haunting me, or the general scary world news, or the fact that my girlfriend is over one thousand miles away from me, but I’m not really interested in going to any of the events around PRIDE this year. Pride did not used to be such a corporate, white-washed event. It used to be queer joy, queer anger, and queer liberation. I’m trying to make space in my time and mind to attend a potluck or something with other queer folk. My heart is not there, but perhaps being in a queer space would do me enormous good…

This week’s net worth numbers

6/2/2017 6/9/2017
 Joy 1107 1107
 Travel 1  1
 Down Payment 19 19
 Retirement 21 21
 Health 45 45
 Moving 285 285
 EF 11 11
Business 1004 1004
Life 1809  455
 IRA  13166  13191
 Brokerage 703  703
 Rewards Card 2 -3215 -2873
 CC (largest) 0  0
 CC (longest) 0  0
 Rewards Card 0  (106) CR
SL 1 -104924 -104780
 SL 2 -46226 -46161
 Earnest -4893 -4427
 Net Worth -141086 -141292
 Percentage Change -.26% -.15%

Are you doing anything to learn more about PRIDE or attending any events in your area?

Net Worth Week 10 – Grief Edition

Gentle Reader,

My heart still aches for my LGBT Family in Orlando. I focused this week on time with other LGBT people and in LGBT spaces. I allowed myself to overspend on food to be near people I was grieving with. I knew I was doing it and it was the right thing for my heart. I’m also still operating from a much smaller than average paycheck. It will be a few more weeks of loss. Thankfully small.

I am so encouraged at how many allies and people not directly impacted this time are trying to make us safer. Thank you. I don’t know if you know how much succor it gives us. Only one of my many relatives has checked on me at all, and that is a good summation of what it is like to be a lesbian. We’ve never felt safe in this world, and this has made it worse, but the response of so many people who are taking this as a call to action is so encouraging. Thank you a million times.

My IRA and brokerage accounts took hits this week, in addition to missing a month’s worth of funding that I had previously planned.

I still love Earnest and credit them with my ability to conquer some of this debt.

Date 5/27/16 6/3/2016 6/10/2016 6/17/2016
Joy 1098 1098 1098  1098
Travel 322 322 323 323
Down Payment  18 19 19 19
retirement  21 21 21 21
health  45 45 45 45
Moving  31 31 31 31
EF  2597 2597 2597 2597
Business  1 1 1 1
Bed  .29 0.29 0.29 0.29
Life  2765 2344 1729  1839
IRA  8359 8378 8516  8285
Brokerage  222 224 226  221
CC (largest)  0 0 0 0
CC (longest)  0 0 0 0
Rewards Card  -3998 -4481 -5434  -5300
SL 1  -102245  -102360 -102120 -102268
SL 2  -45059  -45095 -44971 -45017
Earnest  -9696 -9247 -9258 -9286
-$145518 -$146101 -$147176 -$147390
  2.95% change -1.0% change -1.0% change  -1.0% change

Has tragedy ever drastically changed your spending patterns?

Ways To Be An Ally

Gentle Readers,

You know that the LGBT community has suffered an incredible loss in the past week. We are grieving. Each in our way. We know that other people are grieving, too, but that some allies are afraid they’ll somehow mourn incorrectly. You can not mourn human life incorrectly unless you harm someone. I was asked to write what allies can do. This is my attempt.

There are many correlations between LGBT communities and the Financial Freedom community. We are all non-conformists who question everything. I hope that more FIRE folks can question things outside of financial decisions.

Be careful with your words. 

To me, this is the most important advice in all realms. If we are mindful with our language and thoughts, we’ll have been careful with other peoples’ hearts and lives. We will make fewer assumptions.

  1. Stop assuming that people are straight and cisgender. There are so many ways to be and you assuming otherwise often means that your friends do not feel comfortable telling you about their real life. One easy fix is changing your check-in language to “Are you seeing anyone? What are they like?” No gender was assumed. And you just might find out about his hot new boyfriend.
  2. Believe LGBTQ people when we tell you what our worlds are like. Especially when our world sounds alien to you. If we tell you that we have a gender outside of the binary, use google to look up the definitions. Here’s a primer available for free. Don’t ask us to explain the intersections of our lives to you. Learn from other allies and google. There are numerous nonprofits and university sources available for free online happy to explain things. It can be exhausting for us to explain the terms to you, because you have so many levels of learning to do. Do that with non-impacted folks.
  3. Ask us how we are doing during this trying time. So many of our families have rejected us, and maybe we need to know that you are thinking of us. We may not feel like talking, but your support will be appreciated.
  4. Stop insulting men by comparing them to women. So much of homophobia is wrapped up in idea that gay men are insufficiently masculine and gay women are insufficiently feminine. So much of homophobia is rooted in a hatred of things deemed feminine. I read a piece recently where a blogger said that the worst thing that could happen would be a for a girl to beat him in a race. Imagine what it is like for girls to know that men feel this way. Do better. Consider women to be people – worthy of being in competition with.
  5. Stop telling children to “man up.” Allow all children the freedom to express the full range of human emotions. Don’t tell them that crying is for girls or sissies. Crying is for humans. Joy is for humans.
  6. Stop devaluing femininity.
  7. Stop worrying about who is in the bathroom stall near you. People just want to pee. Get the hell over it.
  8. Learn about “toxic masculinity.” So much of violence in our society is rooted in the ideas about what a man is owed, whether respect, access to sex, access to money, or something else. You know before the headline is finished that the killer is a man 98% of the time. This statistic has stayed the same throughout most of history. This is revelatory. Something about how we raise and treat men causes some men to be very bad in ways that very few women are. We must begin to understand this. We must begin to change this.
  9. Learn about the link between toxic masculinity and domestic violence, and domestic terrorism, and mass shootings.
  10. Read female writers.  Read queer writers. Read “Exile & Pride.” Read writers who are different from you. Try to begin learning what assumptions underlie your life.
  11. Learn about other communities in the US.
    1. Stop mocking the South. All of the US has issues and it is lazy thinking to scape-goat an area of the country. Stop.
    2. Stop referring to “Fly over” states. Learn their names. Learn their value to the US. Learn their cultures.
    3. Stop assuming that LGBT people are safe in cities or safe in gay meccas. We are not. 75% of hate crimes in most cities are against LGBT people.
    4. Learn about other people’s religions.
    5. Learn about other people’s sexualities and gender identities.
  12. Know that you cannot remove queers from the world. We have been part of the environment since the dawn of man. Learn to live with us.
  13. Stop accepting hateful rhetoric against queer folk. Literally, stop listening when someone is telling lies about us. Tell them why you are stopping. Be “rude” in confronting them. Stand up against your people so that maybe they do not kill my people, maybe they’ll stop writing laws against my people, and maybe they’ll let us live.
  14. Don’t take personal offense if an LGBTQ person does not want your prayer – so many of your religions have been used to bludgeon us. At times, to death. If you are praying to comfort us, you may want to consider our actual experiences with people using praying as a weapon to “pray the gay away” and how it would make you feel if strangers prayed about the way you experienced sex and intimacy.
  15. Stop attending homophobic movies and churches. Seriously. Don’t support things with your time and heart and money that tear other groups down.
  16. Learn about LGBTQ history. Learn about the cases that told us that we were perverted. Read about Alan Turing and all the other queer inventors and historical figures who were tortured by their countries. Learn about how the US government responded to HIV when it was a “gay disease” – they literally left us to die. Learn about laws that precluded us from adopting children. Learn that even today 40% of homeless youth are homeless because their straight parents rejected them for being LGBT.
  17. Fight back against the rhetoric rising against Latinx folks in this country. It is significant that this US citizen attacked an LGBT club on Latin night. Rhetoric leads to hatred. Hatred with access to guns can lead to mass-murder. Demonizing a group of people will not help you, and can lead to their deaths and suffering.
  18. Stop assuming that your choices are natural. Your choices are constrained by your assumptions. Every human feels normal. Every human chooses differently. It is not normal to be straight, it is just common.
  19. Please call your governors and representatives and tell them that you believe in worker protections for LGBT people – we can literally be fired just for being gay in over half of these United States.

Our hurts are deep and complicated. The most important thing to remember is that we can treat one another with dignity. There is enough dignity to go around.

Pulse was created by a sister who loved her brother and wanted to honor him after his death from HIV. That is radical love. She took her sorrow and served a community in love out of it. Use your sorrow for good when you can.

There is a gofundme to help the victims of this horrific attack, if you can, please join me in supporting them monetarily. https://www.gofundme.com/pulsevictimsfund

In solidarity,

ZJ

Stonewall Reverberates at Pulse

Gentle Readers,

Today we mourn the 50+ lives taken senselessly. They were our brothers and sisters. They were queer, transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and so many other things. They were predominantly people of color. They were celebrating Pride. This is terrifying and heartbreaking. If you have queer people in your family, please check in on them today and this week. Encourage them to talk to grief counselors, even if they were not in the zone of danger this time. Our hearts are broken. We know it could be us next.

The Stonewall Riots are why we celebrate Pride in June. The history of persecuting queers who were visible is long and violent in our country and throughout the world. There were laws prohibiting homosexuality in public in most of the United States. Folks were subjected to mental and physical torture to “cure’ them. People were murdered. People were harassed by law enforcement and the law for being “deviant.” Deviance included women not wearing enough “feminine” articles of clothing. They were harassed for being different and not conforming to that era’s strict constraint of appropriate gendered behavior. Business that catered to LGBT folks were routinely raided and the people subjected to violence of all natures at the hands of the state and ordinary citizens. The laws were part of the problem. Beatings and sexual assaults at the hands of police were common. There are differing accounts of what precisely occurred on the night of Judy Garland’s funeral. Law enforcement raided the Stonewall Inn, again. And someone struck back. Some accounts credit a transgender woman with throwing the first punch or bottle. Some accounts credit a butch woman. Other accounts credit a drag queen.

But someone who refused to live according to dominant culture’s ideas for them struck. And others joined. The riot involved violence, but also group unity in public. There had been secret societies before – don’t think the LGBT liberation movement started at the end of the 1960s. They shouted about gay liberation. They faced their persecutors. The cops eventually sought refuge in the Stonewall Inn. The riot cops came. The queers did not leave. They stood and fought as a group. This happened over multiple days. They sought liberation from police brutality, unjust laws, and a strict society that told them to conform to ridiculous notions of what it means to be a human. What it means to have worth. We are still working on liberation.

We’ve had marriage equality for a year now, but have seen a growth of anti-transgender laws in particular. We are not free. There are other freedoms we seek. We do not have workplace protections in many states. We do not have the privilege of peeing safely in many places. We still have queer kids being abandoned by their families. We still struggle for gender non-conforming people to have the dignity inherent in their bodies protected. We still struggle to not be murdered for our very existence.

If you can, please donate https://www.gofundme.com/pulsevictimsfund. Over fifty families will need help with their grief at this tragedy. 

In solidarity,

ZJ